Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
