I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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