Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
