I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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