i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
