I want to have your abortion
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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