finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
