Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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