I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
