Apparently you make a good broom.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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