I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we made out on top of his cat.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My vagina is officially offended.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
