Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
