There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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