Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
