For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
