i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
