it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
