Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
