I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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