I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
