I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
operation harelip BJ is a go
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
