I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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