She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
