time to smoke my breakfast
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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