yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
