We're facebook friends in real life
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
