I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
