you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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