Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
