im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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