I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
