First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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