So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
