it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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