Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize