my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Acid is not a monday night drug
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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