I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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