Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
