smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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