yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
