The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
