I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
