No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
