I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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