I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
