Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
