this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize