she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
