I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
