this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How does one acquire holy water?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
