The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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