I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
