We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
