Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
