idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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