Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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