Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
