this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's always time for handjobs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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