i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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