I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We had to coat check the pizza.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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