We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
