Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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