he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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