tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
