were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You are the jesus of drinking
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