Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
