Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
