i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
