If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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