R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i barfeds in our rink
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
