Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize