thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We got so high we made milksteak
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
