it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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