my vag is so smooth its legendary
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
