Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
