Whoa Z and x make the same sound
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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