the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Vodka?
Forever.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
