i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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