The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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